Author: imthatgirl26

Masked Query

Allergy test, COVID, COVID and Nicotine, COVID Vaccination, Mast cell disorders, Moderna, Pfizer, Overactive immune system, US National Institute of Health

I am, one of the individuals who has an overactive immune system. Diagnosed with not one, but two (2) conditions that fall within categories associated with mast cell disorders. Specialists at the time of diagnosis advised me to take Anti-Cancer drugs to suppress my immune system. I chose instead, to find other natural ways to manage my conditions because I was not willing to trade one known situation for a variety of unknowns. Mast cell disorders are associated with abnormal white blood cells, which are overly active, and can cause people to have allergic like reactions, which at times, can be life threatening. When my condition was at a high point, a simple kiss on the cheek or clean water from the shower would result in redness, hives & itching. It was not fun and honestly, rather scary.

The specialists sent me for a standard allergy test, where they put a number of substance dots on my inner forearm to see if I would have allergic reactions to them. Within a couple of minutes, my entire arm was engulfed in red angry hives. No one test dot was discernible from any other test dot, because the uniformed forces of my immune system were immediately set off and attacked the entire area. They settled for taking a blood test. NO, I am not allergic to anything, nothing, nada, zip. But, my immune system is on high alert, watching, laying in wait, ready to attack like the Tasmanian Devil, ripping apart anything it believes may be planning to harm me. Thank you, great job, I really appreciate it, I know you have my back! Now, can I safely take the COVID vaccination or will you reject that too?

I discussed it with my Doctor – should I get the vaccination? “I think that would be a great idea, but yes, you may be one of the people who has more side effects than others, due to your conditions”. What kind of side effects? That question, could not be answered because the vaccination trials intentionally left out people with these kinds of immune disorders and the people who did have severe reactions, were kinda yes, in this group of people. WHAT? Why would they intentionally leave these people out of the trials? That’s unknown. The US National Institute of Health is doing test case studies with Moderna and Pfizer COVID vaccinations on people with these specific types of immunity disorders to determine what kind of anaphylactic or systemic reactions may occur and, to help educate the care providers so they can educate their patients. The study is happening right now, results from the study are to be released in late Summer 2021. Hmmm… I could however sign up for the test. Um, no thanks.

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-begins-study-allergic-reactions-moderna-pfizer-biontech-covid-19-vaccines#:~:text=The%20Moderna%20and%20Pfizer%2D,a%20history%20of%20allergies.

While I more than likely will get the vaccination, it might also be prudent with my conditions, to wait, to see the results from this current study being performed. Confer with the specialists – once they too have the results, so they can adequately advise me on what I should do and help manage any long-term effects if I have any. Another interesting note of fact; the US has released findings that nicotine seems to help ward off COVID and nicotine patches can be used as interim measures pre-vaccination. Understandably this information is not being advertised, but the US website trials.gov clearly outlines that there are some things we can use while we wait for vaccination or completion of studies. 

Now, I am a Registered Nurse, I am not an anti-vaxxer, but to assume we should just “trust the science”, then we should also be cognizant, that the “science” was not based on all conditions and did not include everyone AND, is contraindicated in those who may have allergic reactions. Like many, at times I also receive pressure from some family and friends to get the vaccination. Even local and state officials are enticing people with lottery drawings. But is it right for me, do I really need to add another cog to an already more than efficient machine, or my already wobbly wheel? I may be shunned, I may be refused entry to restaurants, I may not be allowed to fly. I just, may also be, that “small” percent of population who is, adversely affected by the vaccine. Please, try not to judge. It’s confusing to many and some questions remain unanswered – even for the scientists.

Interesting related reads:

https://www.jacionline.org/article/S0091-6749(17)31025-4/pdf

https://www.healthline.com/health/anaphylactic-shock#symptoms

let’s talk Clubhouse

Uncategorized

I recently received my long coveted invitation to Clubhouse and I must admit that yes, I am fascinatingly addicted. It’s vast diversity includes talented intellectuals, highly motivated individuals and emotionally available/vulnerable souls who openly share information, thoughts, experiences and feelings. It’s like tuning into your own topic designated pod cast, radio channel or speaking engagement. You can just listen or, choose to interact, reference the bio of the speaker/s or other like minded individuals in the room. And, your encouraged to personally connect in order to develop relationships. The best part, you can easily exit when your ready to move on. With it’s multi-faceted approach, it may just have the potentiality of stage for connection and healing to many.

Engaging on Clubhouse is like being exported to a collective modern day wisdom realm and you’re not only welcomed there, your accepted and embraced for all your talents, faults and flaws. Its like having your mentor, peer, best friend, sibling, child, parent or grandparent all wrapped into one. There is something about the combination of acceptance and giving, that promotes wellness and while separate from our physically close friends, this platform seems to envelope you like a weighted blanket inviting you to reach your fullest potential as you go deeper and deeper into the security with others.

Now, I haven’t been a super active person with social media, but It’s thought provoking to wonder what our overall societal hunger is now and will be in relation to social media amid and post-COVID. We certainty know that this pandemic has helped many individuals and families find deeper meanings and a deeper sense of responsibility to what actually matters, so perhaps what we need now is something less impulse related, less immediate gratification, less shallow. A topic worth ruminating over. A satiation to our own curiosity, knowledge or emotional needs that we can then share with others in a way that actually facilitates positive change for everyone involved. Something – more real. Who knows, It might be the beginning of an epitaph to our social media structure as we know it today. 

goldfish goodness

Uncategorized

Most of us, having had a goldfish, can remember when we got our first one. Most likely rushing through the pet store as a young child all excited about this new pet; picking the perfect fish from a multitude in the tank, then the perfect bowl, some pebbles, rocks or marbles for the bottom and perhaps, even a bubbler attachment. The store clerk then attempts to sweep up the goldfish we have chosen with a net. If lucky, they get them first try, or not and our anxiety about getting the right fish grows with every swipe of the net. Did we get him? Yes, we finally got it! Its bagged and tied up with a rubber band. We marvel at the newly caught creature, gently coddle and carry it through check out and the drive home to ensure they don’t get too sloshed around. At home, we get the bowl all set up and if the fish is lucky enough to have conscientious new owners, they float in the baggie atop of the bowl to allow acclimation. If not, then the goldfish just gets dumped into the bowl without warning, gasping with shock, lisping to the side and hoping to hell they can just hang on until their body acclimates without too much internal shock and exhaustion.

But what really goes through their mind when they are scooped out, shoved into the baggie, hauled around like a new toy with dizzying visual disturbances, taken on a drive home, dumped in a new cramped space and stared at with distorted faces and wide eyes, flooded with food that they could really care less about? Who knows, but what they soon learn is, oops, can’t go there.. oops can’t go there either… The glass doesn’t allow it. There are boundaries – clear boundaries in this new home. Its smaller than where I came from, less crowded, but I still cannot get out. I can see the other side but it continues to restrict me from moving forward, exploring new things. Over a course of time, the goldfish understands that those in charge will provide what they need. The fish accepts their boundaries, living within its confines, often bored but tries to do the best self-entertainment based on what’s been provided while waiting until some other life altering event occurs.

At some point the owners either graduate them to a larger bowl, add more play toys or playmates, or, maybe the fish dies. Worse yet, the owners feel that the fish has become too problematic and therefore is easily dispensable. The bowl needs cleaned frequently, it’s a pain when leaving for vacation, oh and these cute little goldfish can grow to the size of their bowl! So, the goldfish, seemingly by no fault of their own, becomes a bourbon who either dies from neglect or, is disposed of – down the toilet. We humans view these goldfish toilet burials as humane, it’s a fish and the toilet consist of water, right? Perhaps they can live there if they are alive right? The toilet is flushed, it’s all ok now, they are in direct route to goldfish heaven. Not like real fish who are hit over the head with a stick, gutted, cleaned and eaten… No, not the goldfish, these cute little things get proper burials, we would never conceive of eating goldfish.

I don’t know anybody who would actually eat a real goldfish… Yet truth be told, goldfish do get eaten, a lot of goldfish, in the form of crackers. We just nibble away at these cute harmless goldfish shaped crackers, popping them in our mouth one after the other. Created by a swiss biscuit manufacture in 1958 these goldfish in the bag were brought back to the states in 1962 by Pepperridge Farms (a division of the Campbell Soup Company) as a soup cracker. On the package it actually says they are “soup crackers”, but like me, I bet many of us have never stopped to actually read or see that, but these goldfish are actually made to swim in our soups if we let them. Pepperidge Farms states that 40% of these goldfish crackers contain imprints of an eye and a smile, so let’s feel good about eating as many of these as we want, because in the end, these goldfish also, get a kind of proper goldfish burial too, in the toilet.

 

lion and the lamb

lions, lambs, march, hollywood, Uncategorized

Lion and Lamb Rug

Its March and many of us still use the old adage “In like a lion out like lamb” to reference the month. When March starts, it’s still winter time; ferocious by nature, mean and untamable most of the time, and yet throughout the month we see subtle signs of spring approaching. Crocuses pop up, daffodils bloom and markets boast baskets grouped with burgeoning tulips, daffodils and primroses. A pleasant excuse for in ground planting, or just a reminder, that yes – spring is imminent. By the end of March, the weather generally abates and the lamb presents itself.

Though not the original creator of the pattern, I actually made the rug pictured above. It took me (and I kid you not) some 20 years to finish. The Celtic design of the background was difficult and each cross thread top and bottom is actually composed of 6 strands of hand separated paternayan wool yarn. I loved working it, but when the things in my life changed, I put it away and nearly threw it to the thrift many times, but an important person in my life encouraged me to keep and finish it. I appreciate their respect for the piece and am thankful they saw the beauty in it, when I couldn’t.

In the rug, we see that the lion lays down with the lamb in protection, much like some references to ever ending peace on earth. Yet, is it possible in modern day, that many of the stories and accusations recently wielded in Hollywood may also be interpreted in such a depiction? Lion protectors giving the lamb protection in exchange for their laying down and/or passivity. The lambs seeing no other way entered into acts of self-prostitution with the lion himself. Promise, security, contentment, peace?

The Oscars just passed and not without a few references to that political turmoil to which our lambs have been subjected and or succumbed in recent history and beyond. The “Weinstein ripple effect” brought forth the savage truths about how the lions have been dominating the lambs over a multiplicity of decades, if not centuries. But this last year, for some reason, timing was primed and ready, for all little lambs to come out front and center as the lions and in their own respect disseminated the reputation and careers of many self-proclaimed lions.

Winter broils with blustery, sometimes blizzard, cold and unpredictable conditions and we liken it to the lion. Spring; tepid with warming sun rays bringing us hope and promise of a better future, the lamb. But the lambs we speak of here are not looking to lie down with the lions anymore. They will no longer be manipulated by the lion. No more lying down in passivity. What they are looking to do, is stand side by side in equality. Assert the right to be equally respected, equally honored with designation of intellect, acumen, value and proper positional recognition.

Lest the lion ever forget – it is the lioness; that hunts, kills and provides prey to the pride. She may be the last to eat, but she knows well her value without question and awaits her turn – with honor, anxiousness and patience because this is also, how the lion himself survives.

 

you are my sunshine

Uncategorized, vacation, sunshine, tropics, portland oregon,

Pic_you are my sunshine

I spent a significant amount of time in the airport today, watching people with their comings and goings. I sat, listened, observed and at times interacted. It is amazing how you can feel the aura of energy around individuals who are going – about to take off for the “get the hell out of here” vacation and those that are leaving for some obligatory reason. Oddly enough, not many of the arriving in Portland passengers had smiles. Not sure if that is because they just got off a flight, its cold here, or we’re just not very exciting…

There are entire dissertations on why vacations are so important and why people tend to anticipate the vacation, sometimes more than the actual vacation itself. But I’m not writing about that. What I want to write about is people, emotions, movement and thought.

As we live throughout our days, we experience good, happy, happiest, great and the best possible days, along with mediocre, sad, frustrating and the worst possible days ever. Deciphering how to turn the bad into good can be a daunting task when we allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity. On the great days, we seem to forget that the bad days are around the corner lurking in the shadows just waiting to rain on our parade and so we also, forget to remember to accept them when they arrive.

I spoke to one woman who was outside dressed in lightweight floral print bell bottom pants and a pair of flip flops with colorful newly painted toe-nails. I assumed she must be headed off to the tropics, but when we spoke, she simply said she was flying to California for a family visit and while California isn’t seeing their biggest heat wave right now, she was still inspired to wear this attire on a 35’ day in Portland Oregon, snow flurries and all!

As I marvled at the coral color pedicure, I realized twofold; there is a warmer better place even if it may be an obligatory visit, and, the cooler weather does not have to dictate our emotion by what we wear and when we wear it. If we were to slip on a sundress and believe we are in the tropics despite the snow, cold, wind, rain or lack of sunshine outdoors, will it actually lighten our mood, make us feel like we are in the tropics? Let’s say it works and it’s good for one day, how might we feel if we did it for 7 days? The hell with the heating bill, right?!

Who cares if the sun isn’t actually shinning indoors or outdoors. If it shines in our minds, we shine.

humble beginnings

humble, poor, creative, paris, knitting, Uncategorized

A02B2D95-D91E-4EF1-BE80-BEB7D74947EC.jpeg

As I sit wrapped in a shawl I knitted from yarn I purchased in Paris, I reflect on my humble beginnings.

I came out 9 pounds at 8:30pm, which might explain why I am always awake and ready to go in the early morning hours, entering a world that was confusing, at times scary and yet, exciting and ultimately, a world full of curiosity and wonder for my inquisitive new mind.

We were down right poor and mom didn’t have space for a crib, so she stowed me in the top drawer of the dresser, even though I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth per se; as the hospital gave us a sterling baby spoon engraved with stork, circled by a clock denoting the time I was born and of course, my name.

Living poor for most of my growing up years taught me humility and the ability to be creative with what I had or with what I found. It garnished me with skill sets I use to this day and I know that my mother is proud that I have been to Paris and was as excited as I was to see the finished shawl from the Paris Yarn!

I still have and cherish the sterling silver baby spoon. It reminds me of where I came from, the burden to my mother who carried me, my dad and all my siblings who cared for me when mom was working and I guess, the reason I drive family and guests crazy with my early morning scurrying and adventures when they stay over…

Our surroundings are still full of wonderment if only we allow ourselves to explore them and humility often times, can in fact – be our friend.

 

 

No Resolutions | No Regrets

Decisions, New Year's Resolutions, Regrets, Resolutions, Uncategorized

I shy away from New Year’s resolutions, always have and I have no regrets in life either. That’s not to say I don’t move into and out of euphoria in longings to morph into a better person, change habits I don’t like or just accept myself the way I am, but New Year’s Resolutions are a bit intimidating for me really and it begs the question; How many people are actually successful with their resolutions?

We spend an immense amount of time and energy, on decision making. Choices surrounding career, environment, relationships, social dynamics and personal preferences are made every day and in every way. Yet, New Year’s Resolutions are alive with spirit every year. A promise to fix something in the new year. We even survey our friends, family and acquaintances, trying to gauge their spin of the new year based on what they were disappointed in with the last year – based on the resolution….

Life is fluid. It changes all the time, we question ourselves, wondering if we are making the right or wrong decisions… We set goals and then forget them, become less motivated, become more distracted or enamored with something else, so it falls to the wayside and New Years resolutions seems to be high on the falling off list, because according the internet, sadly- less than 10% of the population are actually successful with their resolutions.

Whatever I wish to change, however I choose to change, I always try to do it from an internal conviction perspective. Every decision, every action and adventure I have had, has brought me both successes and failures that have shaped me into the person I am today. While that may sound cliché, I completely one hundred percent believe it and as a result – have no regrets in life.

So, while many people choose New Year’s as a time to make new resolutions, celebrating at midnight for success in having survived the prior year, the promise of a better year to come with goals or no goals, I choose to celebrate who I am. Celebrating every action and decision that has perpetually shaped me into – I’m That Girl Roxy.

 

let’s get real gifty

Uncategorized

196C0ED5-F00A-4A6C-AFCA-8A26CAC5E74FIt’s not the number of packages- you only need one!

Most young people these days have spared us great angst by just wanting gift cards or cash, no lie when I say, it can be a relief. But honestly, what’s better than shopping for that special something for that special someone and giving the gift that you know they will love? Nothing! It’s the beauty of the giver. Knowing the person well enough to anticipate excitement with them before they open the gift, is very magical. When you KNOW that the gift you have chosen for someone will bring joy, then you have done your job well!

There is always that really special something for each person. Do any of us ever forget those really special gifts? I thought not. In the 70s, it was a pair of knee-high tie it up blue suede boots with wooden soles and a watch. In the 80s, it was a purse I really, really wanted. In the 90s, pearls and a stuffed armadillo – yes really, a stuffed armadillo! In the 2000s, it was a oversized denim coat with red removable lining and this decade, it’s got to be the Ughs (always) and the silliest set of box stick matches. One box for every month of the year. They are the bathroom matches and I enjoy switching them out every month.

So, some of these special gifts I still have, some I wish I still had. But either way, remember that those people who go out of their way to get the special gift in an otherwise hectic time of year, know how special you are and know why they are gifting it. Because they are not gifting an item, they are gifting love!

crying out for connection

Uncategorized

 

Headed over to see this little gal now.
Mom, mamma, mommy, and no I am not from the south, but trust me when I say; in our deepest needs of agony – nearly all humans cry out for mommy or mama and I know I will do the same when the time comes.

Since we are both morning gals, I like to sneak over at early sunrise and surprise her with an egg bite from Starbucks (which she loves) and share my coffee with her.

She is “90 and 1/2” she reminds me, and still such an amazing person. I am grateful for the healing affects this blog will have in our afterlife connection.

I once paid my regards and sympathy to a friend who had lost her father and she smiled and gave a warm hearted laugh. She eased my astonishment by explaining how much she loved him and that they were both fine, in good spirits and essentially the grief and mourning can debilitate us instead of lifting us in celebration.

Terminal care is really difficult and family members who assist others through it, often in the end are left so exhausted and drained of energy from having experienced this suffering so long and given so much emotion towards the efforts, that it can feel very anti-climatic.

So as I celebrate both life and upcoming death with mom this morning over a latte and egg bites, I will remember that our love for one another will never fade and when I get ready to pass beyond in search for her myself, I know she will hear the child in me calling for her.